[For several moments he's quiet. His thoughts have gone in a lot of circles lately, especially with Nate being injured and losing Sina, and some of them are convoluted, but maybe saying words would help him sort it out.
His words are slow when he speaks, as he finds them through his thoughts.]
I... I hold on to things. I've always held on, I think. Or maybe it's only... Sorry. For as long as I remember, I've held on to everything that I've lost as if letting go of it and my anger would make me weaker. And as if letting go of any of the people I've lost would be a betrayal to them.
There's always been an agency that killed them, that took them away. It's always been the Circle and the Templars, so I've always had, it's always built up. But Sina... There's nothing to aim anger at. The shard was, was inanimate. It took her and it's also gone. I can't even blame myself because I know I did everything I could.
So I have to let go. Holding on won't do anything. And it's only thinking about that that made me think about everything else. And how I'm always remembering. Which doesn't, doesn't lead to... rational reactions, all the time.
[Anders exhales again.]
There was more, but that's, [he huffs, a self-conscious almost-laugh,] that's a lot of babble already.
no subject
[For several moments he's quiet. His thoughts have gone in a lot of circles lately, especially with Nate being injured and losing Sina, and some of them are convoluted, but maybe saying words would help him sort it out.
His words are slow when he speaks, as he finds them through his thoughts.]
I... I hold on to things. I've always held on, I think. Or maybe it's only... Sorry. For as long as I remember, I've held on to everything that I've lost as if letting go of it and my anger would make me weaker. And as if letting go of any of the people I've lost would be a betrayal to them.
There's always been an agency that killed them, that took them away. It's always been the Circle and the Templars, so I've always had, it's always built up. But Sina... There's nothing to aim anger at. The shard was, was inanimate. It took her and it's also gone. I can't even blame myself because I know I did everything I could.
So I have to let go. Holding on won't do anything. And it's only thinking about that that made me think about everything else. And how I'm always remembering. Which doesn't, doesn't lead to... rational reactions, all the time.
[Anders exhales again.]
There was more, but that's, [he huffs, a self-conscious almost-laugh,] that's a lot of babble already.